


atmosphere

by insunshine



Category: The OC, Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-13
Updated: 2007-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-13 03:52:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/499159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insunshine/pseuds/insunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the loveathons Snowed In Challege! Veronica and Ryan are seeing each other, and come home for the holidays (I know I'm late with the whole Christmas fic thing, but the holidays were quite hectic) only to find out that the relationship that they were both trying so hard to salvage isn't working.</p>
            </blockquote>





	atmosphere

_It would have been great if they could have come with us. Seth is really great and Summer seems like a really nice girl._

 

 _It would have seemed nice, you know, getting an in with the family, getting to know all of the little quirks…but I promise you, it would have not have been entertaining. Seth is the worst flyer in the_ world. _He could teach the stewardesses a thing or two about those safety procedures that they do in the beginning._

 

_You mean the ones that are pre-recorded now?_

 

 _Yes. And everybody knew about it too, when they heard Seth moaning about it, when we flew to New York a couple of years ago after Sandy’s mother passed. You would have thought that he was more upset about the lack of stewardesses than his Nana._

 

She smiles lightly, enjoying the quiet for a moment, before the chatter everywhere else becomes almost deafening.

 

_So, do you remember how you’re going to open?_

 

_How ‘bout them Red Sox?_

 

She glares at him, and at first he laughs, because how important in the grand scheme of things is a baseball team? But she keeps glaring, so he clears his throat awkwardly and sits straighter.

 

_I know, I know, no mentioning any non favored sports teams, but I’ve got to tell you, Veronica, I don’t think your father is going to kick me out of your house because I don’t root for the same teams as he does. Although, I’m kind of not the biggest sports person ever, so if you just tell me which side we’re on, we should be Okay._

 

She rolls her eyes as she massages her temples, and for a second, as he’s looking down at her, it surprises him how old she looks, and how old she shouldn’t. She takes a long breath and sits up straight too, leaning her head back against the rest.

 

As she turns to look at him her lips quirk into the tiniest of smiles.

 

 _I love you, you know;_ she murmurs, and her hand comes up to cup at his cheek. He doesn’t mean to flinch, doesn’t even realize that he’s done it until she pulls back, and straightens up again. _I’m sorry;_ she whispers, and her voice is so low and soft that he’s surprised he’s heard her at all over the whirr of the engine.

 

_Veronica, there’s-there’s nothing to be sorry for._

 

She rolls her eyes as she looks at him, tucking her hair behind her ears. Her eyes are tired as they look back into his.

 

_You don’t have to come with me, you know. You can go back to your parents, and I can just see you when we get back. Or not, I mean-_

 

He leans forward and presses his lips to hers. 

 

Months ago, maybe weeks even, she would have been pliable in his arms, and her hand would have come up to touch his face, and she would be exhibiting _some_ sort of emotion, but as it is, she’s as stiff as a bored, and that’s usually supposed to be his area of expertise.

 

_What’s wrong, Veronica?_

 

His voice is light, and he didn’t think it was possible, but she gets even more ramrod straight in her seat. She turns to look at him, and he’s surprised to see the sheen of unshed tears in her eyes.

 

 _We’re not happy;_ she whispers back, and the words just hang there for a second, because this is not the sort of conversation he wants to have on a plane full of hundreds of people traveling hundreds feet in the air.

 

_We’re not happy or you’re not happy, Veronica? Because I’ve never-_

 

_You’ve never? You’ve never what? Complained? You’ve never cheated? You’ve never been so distant that I felt like I was in this alone? I can come up with a whole list of 'I’ve never's too._

 

Her voice is a hiss, and even then, he doesn’t mean for the words to come out, he really doesn’t.

 

_Let’s be honest here, Okay? I’m not the one who cheated on you._

 

 _It was one mistake._

 

Her voice is filled with the sort of desperation he’s never wanted to hear from her, and he wants to apologize and take her hands in his and tell her that it’s Okay and that it doesn’t matter, but he can’t, because the words are caught on his throat, and it feels like sandpaper.

 

_How many times do I have to apologize? I didn’t mean for it to happen-_

 

She squeezes her eyes closed, and turns to face forward, biting her lip as the tears begin to slip down her cheeks. 

 

He feels like the biggest jackass on the _planet_.

 

 _I know;_ he whispers, and it’s not like he says it’s Okay or anything, and he knows that this fight isn’t over, and that it’s probably The Big One, but that doesn’t stop him from reaching across the armrest and gripping onto her fingers with his own.

 

**

 

 _You must be Ryan, Veronica’s…friend._ She laughs a little as her dad pumps Ryan’s hand enthusiastically, and he nods, because what else is he going to do?

 

_Dad! Come on we talked about the birds and the bees when I was 13. I think you can come up with something better than ‘friend’._

 

She’s smiling as she reaches over and tweaks at his cheek, and it’s the first time he’s seen her smile in over an hour. 

 

He’s kind of missed it.

 

_Fine, fine, but I didn’t think hunka hunka burnin’ love would be appropriate considering I’d just met the guy._

 

This time Ryan can’t help it, he smiles too, and he can tell that she’s smiling, all the way across the room. His stomach seems to settle when he sees her looking at him like that, and maybe this is what love is. Maybe he should stop being such a dick about it and just say it back to her already.

 

And it’s not he said _thank you_ this time. Plus, they’ve been together long enough that it’s the requisite ‘I love you’ _time_. He’s an adult, now, dammit, he’s 23 and this is what 23 year-olds say and…how they say it.

 

_Hey, Keith, I was just passing by wanted to know if-_

 

The guy stops dead when he sees Veronica, and Ryan’s stomach is back to doing somersaults.

 

_Veronica._

 

_Logan…hi._

 

_Hi._

 

It seems like everyone’s eyes are on him, so Ryan stands from his partially opened suitcase, and extends his hand out. Maybe this guy is a long lost cousin or something, or maybe he’s some guy that Veronica played with when they were kids who just happened to move next door, and didn’t know she was coming home…or something.

 

Ryan sincerely doubts it.

 

_Hey, man, how ya doing?_

 

The guy just stares at him for a second, and there’s no discernable emotion on his face, even though Ryan can tell that his brain is going a mile per minute.

 

_Uh, hey. Good, thanks. Logan Echolls._

 

_Ryan Atwood._

 

He nods slightly, and stands there awkwardly for a second, because he has no idea what to do with his hands, and he hasn’t felt this uncomfortable since that first year with the Cohens, and being Marissa’s escort at cotillion with all of those people watching. God, _Marissa_. He can’t believe how long ago all of that seems.

 

_Ryan…honey, are you Okay?_

 

The _honey_ bit must have been thrown in for this new guy because in their six months together they’ve never been for pet names. He nods, but he can’t look at her. He hasn’t figured out the _why_ part of that yet.

 

_Yeah, I’m…good. Fine. I just, uh, I think the plane ride…I’m just gonna head outside for a minute, get some air._

 

 _Do you want me to come with you?_ She asks, and she’s sincere this time, he can tell.

 

 _No, no, I’m fine, just, the being on a plane for seven hours took its toll on me, I guess. Catch up with your dad, and_ …friend, _I’m just gonna call the Cohens and let them know we got here Okay._

 

_Okay. Say hi to Kirsten for me._

 

 _Will do;_ he murmurs as he pushes out the door, and closes it quietly, leaning against the wood of it for a second, before breathing in deep, and letting the night wind wrap itself around him. It’s colder than he expected, considering this is southern California and winter here usually consists of people wearing t-shirts on top of their bikini tops instead of just wearing them straight.

 

He blinks, because he just saw a… _snowflake?_ He’s fairly certain that stranger things _have_ happened, he just can’t remember when or where. He closes his eyes for a second, because he can’t believe it, but he actually _misses_ Newport.

 

He drags his cell phone from his pocket, because he doesn’t want to get caught up in a lie, even though he wasn’t planning on calling the Cohens until later. It’s not like it matters when he does it, though, and he doesn’t want Veronica even _suspecting_ that he wanted to get out of there because of her.

 

And if he’s going to be honest, it’s not really because of her. It’s because of… _everything_.

 

 _Hello?_ Kirsten says on the other end of the line, and he’s so startled that he almost drops the phone for a second. He hadn’t even realized it had been ringing. _Hello?_

 

_Kirsten, hey, it’s Ryan._

 

 _Oh, Ryan, honey! It’s so good to hear from you! Did you guys make it Okay? Did you just land?_

 

_Yeah, we got here fine, it was uh, the flight was a little long, but it was, you know, Okay. We actually got here about an hour ago. I’m at Veronica’s now._

 

_Oh well, then go back in there, have some fun! We’ll see both of you on Thursday then, right?_

 

_Uh, yeah-listen, I was wondering, would you happen to have a pool house vacancy if I came a few days early?_

 

_Oh. Oh of course. You are always welcome in this house, you know that._

 

_Yeah, yeah, I know, things are just not-_

 

 _Ryan?_ Her voice pulls him back from whatever he’d been going to say, and he nods at her, holding up his hand, signaling for just a minute.

 

_Just not…?_

 

_Nothing. Never mind. Goodnight, Kirsten._

 

_Oh, Okay. Goodnight, sweetheart. Tell Veronica we say hello._

 

_Will do._

 

When he turns back to face her, his face is as composed as he’s going to get it. She smiles tightly at him, taking a step closer, and slipping her hand around his arm.

 

_Everything Okay?_

 

_Yeah, fine. You know. Kirsten says hello._

 

 _Okay. Do you want to come inside? I know it’s not much, but Dad is making chili, and he puts this hot, hot,_ hot _sauce in it, and I know how much you like things-Ryan, are you sure you’re Okay?_

 

_I’m not, actually._

 

_Oh._

 

_What you said, on the plane, about me not being happy?_

 

_Oh god._

 

_No, Veronica, listen-I really, really care about you._

 

_But you just can’t be in a relationship right now? Come on, are we 12? Just, god-whatever, it doesn’t mater._

 

She turns to go and he’s so ready to let her, but he can’t.

 

_Veronica! Wait!_

 

_What, Ryan? What? What could you possibly have to say?_

 

This is it. This is the moment where he can let all of it go. It’s Christmas, and he tells himself that she’s the most amazing girl he’s ever met, and he can’t ruin that. Not now.

 

_Iloveyou._

 

He’s never seen someone’s jaw drop in real life, but hers does, and she must have had it clenched really lightly, because she just looks dumbfounded.

 

_What?_

 

 _I love you;_ he takes a step towards her, and she wraps her arms around his neck, and he can feel moisture on his chest, so he’s guessing- _hoping_ those are tears of joy, and this is good, it’s right, it’s a step in the proper direction.

 

He can’t explain then, why, when she kisses him, he can’t help but feeling like it’s the worst mistake he’s ever made.

 

**

 

 _Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?_ She asks, and he nods slowly as he stretches, grateful for the looseness of his sweater.

 

_Yeah, yeah, I just…I didn’t realize how much I missed home._

 

She laughs, and then even harder as he quirks his brow at her.

 

 _I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Tough, brooding Ryan is not funny, I’ve just, I’ve never heard you call it_ home _before._

 

_What? I lived there for years, of course it’s-_

 

 _No, it’s always Orange County, or Newport Beach or the Cohens’ house, but never_ home. _I guess the Chris-Chris-_

 

_Chrismukkah._

 

 _Right, how could I have gotten_ that wrong? _I guess the holiday spirit got to you, huh?_

 

_Yeah, I guess. Plus you know, Kirsten sounded a little haggard on the phone and I-_

 

_I get it. So, I’ll just drive over Wednesday and spend the night?_

 

_Yeah, I mean, ‘Ronica, if you want to come with me now, you’re-you’re more than welcome. You know that, right?_

 

_Yeah. But, you should, you should go, and be with your family for a little while. I mean, the last three times you saw them, you were with me. I bet they’re sick of looking at my face._

 

_I doubt that._

 

_Really? Me too. I have such lovely features._

 

_Very funny._

 

_I know._

 

Her laughter is warming, but it’s not enough, and even though she’s smiling and he’s smiling, his head is pounding and he has absolutely no idea what he’s going to do or why he has to do it.

 

He leans down to kiss her, because he doesn’t know what else to, and even though she kisses him back, and all of yesterday’s stiffness is gone, it still doesn’t feel right. Maybe his head will clear with a little time away.

 

 _I’ll call you when I get there;_ he murmurs, and his voice is soft against her cheek. She smiles, and if he weren’t such an expert smile reading, he would bet millions that it was real. As it is, he knows her almost as well as he knows himself, and he can just tell that it isn’t.

 

She’s not right, she’s not _happy_ , he can tell. He knows how to read all the signs, and so he knows. He can’t even remember what good was with her, but he never let himself think about it, so he never thought it was really wrong, either. Just…not perfect. Not that any relationship ever is…and it just now hits him that maybe his leaving is just as good a thing for her as it is for him.

 

**

 

_So, your boyfriend left, huh?_

 

_Hi Logan, how are you? Oh, really? I’m fine too. Thanks for asking._

 

_You’re fine? Good. So your boyfriend left. Did you kick him out, or did he leave on his own?_

 

_Why do you care?_

 

_Stupid question. Why did Ryan leave, Veronica?_

 

 _S-stupid question;_ she mutters, hating that she can’t look him in the eye. She turns to look out the window instead-at least windows can’t talk back, and her eyes widen because it’s snowing. It’s honest-to-god snowing. In _Neptune_.

 

_Fine. Do you want me to tell you why I care, Veronica?_

 

His voice is foreign and icy, and no, of course she doesn’t want to know. She really, really doesn’t. But she knows he’s going to tell her, no matter how much she tells him that she doesn’t want to hear it.

 

 _I love you;_ the only sound in the room is her sharp intake of breath, and she thought she could look at him through this. She thought she could handle being close to him now, even though it’s been almost a year since the last time they saw each other, and she thought she was over this. 

 

It’s clearly evident that she isn’t. 

 

 _Don’t say that, Logan. I’m with Ryan. I-I_ love _Ryan._

 

_Why did he leave then?_

 

_He missed his family!_

 

 _Veronica;_ his fingers trace patterns against the skin of her cheek, and she has to close her eyes, because tears are coming, and god, she hates crying, she hates crying more than anything, and she knows she loves him too. She knows she’ll never stop, even though she has to or it will kill her.

 

_It’s snowing._

 

_You know, we’re not kids anymore. You can’t say that like, a famous guy is standing right outside so I’ll look and you can sneak away._

 

 _Logan,_ look, _it’s_ snowing _!_

 

She sounds young and excited, and he hasn’t heard her voice like this since before Lilly died even, and he has to blink because for a second, with her hair falling the way it is around her shoulders and the light in her eyes, he could have mistaken her for the girl she used to be.

 

_Wonders will never cease._

 

_Where’s my dad? He should be here to see this. He loves the snow._

 

It doesn’t take them long to search, and my the time they find Keith’s note, her icy veneer has thawed and she’s smiling and laughing and leaning into him, and he can smell her shampoo, the same one she’s used since forever, and it surrounds them, dragging him further and further in until his hands encircle her waist and he’s pulling her towards him, and bending to press his lips against hers.

 

 _We can’t do this;_ she whispers, even as her eyes are closing and she’s arching her neck.

 

 _Why can’t we, Veronica? Why can’t we? Your boyfriend is gone, your father is probably snowed in at the super market, we’re alone and I know you love me as much as I love you. Why_ can’t _we do this?_

 

His words sober her up quickly enough, and she’s straightening her shirt, and she’s tugging her eyes away from his, and down to the ground where they can’t read every single thought flooding into her brain.

 

 _We don’t_ work, _Logan._

 

_Why’s that?_

 

_Do you remember how many times we broke up in college? Do you remember how much pain we caused each other? Ryan he-he makes me-_

 

_More miserable than I ever did._

 

_That is not true. He’s a great guy, and he loves me. He told me so last night. Everybody has issues around the holidays, Logan, but he and I are going to work through it._

 

_I don’t doubt that he is, but he’s not right for you._

 

He settles next to where she’s huddled on the couch, and she’s looking out the window, seemingly intent on the heavy falling snow, but he can tell that her eyes are unseeing. His fingers reach out and cup her cheek, and she shivers, because god help her, she’s missed this.

 

 _And you think_ you’re _right for me?_

 

His lips flit over hers, and he steals her breath, because this is it, and she doesn’t know how she ever let him go in the first place.

 

 _I think I want to be;_ he whispers against her lips, and she loses herself in him, because this is all she has.

 

**

 

The phone is ringing.

 

All of Veronica’s joints ache, in all of the right and the wrong places, and as she moves to grab it, she feels a set of arms tightening around her, and for a moment, her mind is completely blank.

 

 _Phone;_ he mumbles lazily against her shoulder, placing a kiss there, and she sighs as shakes him off, reaching up and stretching out and _just_ grabbing the cordless with her fingertips.

 

 _‘lo?_ She mumbles, rubbing at her eyes with her free hand.

 

_Veronica, god, I’m so glad I got through to you, I’ve been trying your cell for hours, but I guess all lines were busy. Are you Okay?_

 

Ryan. Oh god. _Is_ she Okay? At the moment, she’s in a tumbled heap on the floor of her den, and Logan Echolls is kissing at her chest. Frankly, she can’t tell if she’s in heaven or if she’s in hell.

 

 _Yeah, yeah of course. Why wouldn’t I be?_ she manages to squeak, easing away from Logan, and trying to suppress her shudders. She is the worst person in the entire world and she knows it. The next words out of his mouth are going to be something along the lines of how much he cares about her, and how much this season has-

 

_Have you looked outside?_

 

 _Outside?_ She stretches up a little more, but no matter how flexible she is, there is no way she can stretch her limbs that far. _No, I-I, haven’t. What’s going on?_

 

_Um, snow. Lots and lots of snow. I’m…I’m uh, surprised that you could have missed it._

 

_Well, I was…napping. And then, we were…playing a board game-_

 

 _Yeah;_ Logan mutters against her naked shoulder, his voice low and rumbly, and for her ears only. _Strip scrabble._

 

_Oh well, I um, just wanted to make sure you were Okay. And that, you know, you guys still had power…and everything._

 

 _Yeah, we’re doing Okay;_ she whispers, and she shakes off the warm pressure of Logan’s hand from her back, and pulls herself in a ball, her arms and legs tucked in. She will not cry. 

 

She won’t, they are adults, and he left, and…there is no way she can excuse her way out of this, or the soul crushing guilt she’s feeling, so she just swallows, and pushes her hair away from her neck, and tries to not look anywhere near the direction of the gorgeous man to her left who is trying his best to make her do so. 

 

_Good, you know that’s good, that you guys still have that. It’s uh; it’s touch and go, here. Taylor ordered Kirsten away from the oven, and she’s like, standing vigil there or something. I’ve never seen one small person be so fierce in-_

 

 _Taylor?_ She asks, because the name sounds vaguely familiar, and she’s sure she’s heard him use it before, she’s just not sure why or how.

 

_Yeah. Uh, you know. Anyway, Veronica, there’s something else I wanted to tell you._

 

 _Aside from the weather forecast, then;_ she murmurs, and even though it’s sort of weak as a joke, it serves its purpose, because she can hear him chuckling, and it warms her through.

 

_I’ve, uh, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I…I really care about you._

 

 _I care about you too;_ she whispers, because she does. He really is an amazing guy, and he’s smart, and he puts everything and everybody on the line before himself, and she feels another sob choking through her, because he deserves someone better. She can never love him the way he deserves.

 

_And I don’t want to hurt you, but…coming home…being with the Cohens, it made me realize how important all of this is._

 

_This?_

 

_I don’t want to lie to you._

 

 _Okay, so don’t;_ she mutters, sitting up straighter and fluffing her hair out of her face, and pulling the comforter off the couch and wrapping it around herself.

 

_I don’t think you’re happy, and god, Veronica, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to see you happy, but…I just, I don’t think I’m the guy who can do it._

 

She breathes in so sharply that she’s almost positive he can hear it on the other end of the line.

 

_If you want to try, if you want to make it work, then I will, but…I don’t think..._

 

 _Oh;_ she whispers, because this wasn’t what she’d been expecting at all, but she can’t say that she’s surprised, or even hurt. Okay, yes, maybe a little, but not like a normal break up should. Probably, because she and Ryan were never exactly a normal couple. _I really do care about you, Ryan. Maybe…we can be friends?_

 

When she hangs up a minute later, she leans her head back against the couch, closing her eyes and trying to figure out if bursting into giggles right now would make her look insane.

 

 _He broke up with you, didn’t he?_ He asks, and his lips are quirked into one of those half smiles that have been gracing his lips as long as she’s known him. She nods and leans forward to kiss him, because there’s nothing left to say.


End file.
